


Two Sides to Every Coin

by JAlexMac



Series: Music Inspiration [5]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Depression, Episode: s05e01 Night, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29549052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAlexMac/pseuds/JAlexMac
Summary: Chakotay and Kathryn each give their side to one impactful life event.Inspired by “Fix You” by Coldplay.
Series: Music Inspiration [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165427
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	Two Sides to Every Coin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stefway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stefway/gifts).



> For my dear friend who said something truly poignant, and changed my outlook more than she will ever know.
> 
> It’s not a lot, but something to say I love you.❤️

**_When you try your best but you don't succeed_ ** **_  
_** **_When you get what you want but not what you need_ ** **_  
_** **_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_ ** **_  
_** **_Stuck in reverse_ **

Chakotay:

It’s been months, two months in fact. The constant blackness has had an effect on us all. I’ve tried to keep my promise to her, but I find it nearly impossible to effectively shoulder this burden. The crew needs her, not me. They need to see her, to hear her, and to know that she still believes. I’ve tried, my heavens I’ve tried, but they just don’t respond to me in that way. To be completely honest, I don’t blame them. I need her too. I need her to smile at me. I need her to debate me. I need to feel her near me. I’m beginning to crumble under the weight of both of our titles, but she knows I would go to my grave for her. I will find a way to get her through this. 

Janeway:

It’s been four years. Four years since I stranded us in this joyless quadrant. The continual achromatic backdrop outside what is supposed to be my aperture to the world around me is utter nothingness. My mind knows that there are people and things past this threshold that need my attention, but my soul has found its way to a place surprisingly more dim than “The Void”. I feel as though the real me is in a shell, buried deep beneath the darkness. I scratch, claw and scream, but no one can hear me down here. Do they know I love them all? How could I have done this to them? I have condemned them to a life of misery.

**_When the tears come streaming down your face_ ** **_  
_** **_When you lose something you can't replace_ ** **_  
_** **_When you love someone but it goes to waste_ ** **_  
_** **_Could it be worse?_ **

Chakotay:

I try to see her again, but still she will only scarcely face me. I could look fixedly at any part of her for endless days, but the fraught tension that fills her body radiates through me. Trying to talk some sense into her, my anger seeps to the surface. I want to shake her, no…that sounds wrong. I long to touch her, to soothe her, to kiss the guilt and fear from her tear-stained cheeks. Every part of my being wants to envelope her tightly, surround her with my undying devotion, to make her feel her worth. What more can I possibly say to make her understand. God, I love this woman. Why can she not see it? 

Janeway:

Chakotay comes to me again. I can’t face him. It’s already too much just to feel him near. I hide in my dark place, while Kathryn shouts to him from the inside. He’s looking at me with those dark sad eyes. _‘Don’t pity me!’_ I want to wail at him, but all I can say to him is no. I did this to us, and he needs to remember that. He needs to write me off and take over this vessel, to save all of these wonderful people from the mass of reckless abandon that is me. Not long after he is gone, the hum of the warp engines dies, and the darkness outside creeps in. Something ignites inside me, even for the briefest of moments, and I know my mission.

**_Lights will guide you home_ ** **_  
_** **_And ignite your bones_ ** **_  
_** **_And I will try to fix you_ ** ****

Chakotay :

Ironically, the further absence of light is what brings back our Captain, my Kathryn, and the life back into our family. She came back of her own accord, but just as I suspected she had other plans in mind. An event such as this, is one I’ve always prepared for. I know just exactly what sort of self-sacrifice she is capable of, and I have to stay one step ahead. She certainly doesn’t like it, but she’ll always know how much she is loved.   
  


Janeway:

I find my way out into the open corridor, beacon on my wrist and head straight for the nearest weapons locker. I feel a robustness I haven’t felt in weeks with that phaser rifle in my hand. It doesn’t take long for me to fall back into routine, First Officer at my side. Damn if it doesn’t feel good. I knew for a fleeting second what I must do, but I swear Chakotay is always one step ahead. This is why he should take this ship, but it’s clear he and the rest of my crew never intend to let that happen. I do so love this family.

**_High up above or down below_ ** **_  
_** **_When you're too in love to let it go_ ** ****  
**_If you never try you'll never know_ ** **_  
_** ******_Just what you're worth_**

Chakotay:

It’s been months, several months now in fact. The road has been long, and the progress slow-going, but seeing Kathryn again, has been worth every misstep. She has to be the strongest individual I have ever known. I could and would fight to the death with an alien, or another human and so could she. I don’t think I could survive a fight with myself. I have witnessed her do it on multiple occasions, but this one was a battle for the ages. She is my hero, and I will remind her of it for the rest of my days.

Janeway:

I’m not perfect, never have been and never will claim to be. I’ve found that I will always be a work in progress, but with over a hundred people reminding me of my worth on a daily basis, it’s incredibly hard to forget. I’m especially grateful for my ever faithful first officer. He’s my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and he never waivers. Without him I don’t think I could have endured. Well, I could and would have, but he’s always in the corner of my mind giving me the sweetest most gentle nudge I’ve ever needed. He is my hero, and I’ll do everything I can to get him and this crew home safely.


End file.
